Celestial
by Gater101
Summary: [OneShot] What he missed however, was Teyla, standing on the balcony, a small smile on her face. 'Lugubrious' changed. [Season4]


Title: CelestialSummary: He could kill the poor scientist who interrupted their moment. Characters: John, TeylaPairing: John/Teyla, John/Nancy, Teyla/Kanan.Rating: KSpoilers: Missing, Doppelganger, Seer

John stood guarding over the silent gate room. The city had gone to sleep hours before but he'd felt the urge to come here to the quiet hub of Atlantis and watch over the slumbering city. He'd been having trouble sleeping recently and he found that watching over the slow burning embers of the city helped him relax. The low hum of various machines soothed the aching in his head; the low lighting eased his troubled mind and the solitude eased the burning in his soul. It was a song he'd become familiar with, since the cold nights had returned to Atlantis.

A few people came and went, passing through quietly, nodding to him occasionally but most of the time he was left to himself, his thoughts passing slowly through the blank canvas of his mind. The flickering lights before him left him in an unusually melancholy mood as he was reminded happier times back on Earth; times when Christmas meant coming home to his family, not being stuck in a galaxy far, far away. When he'd been a boy, his family Christmas always consisted of a huge dinner at his home, with all the family gathering around a tree set up beside the roaring fire to exchange gifts. He missed those times.

He didn't know how she'd managed it, to be honest but he was glad – it probably helped that she _knew _the man in charge of Home Land security. Too often the holidays were bypassed in Atlantis; it had been accepted that the expedition was multi-cultural and not all the members celebrated the birth of Christ. But when they'd been asked, they'd had no objections with the expedition celebrating Christmas. He was sure that the events of the past year had lain heavily on their minds and a glimmer of hope, of happiness in the city was welcomed.

The tree had been erected to the right hand side of the 'Gate earlier that day. The blue-fir had been transported to Atlantis by the Daedalus from a nearby planet, the decorations hand-picked by Carter from a magazine and delivered courtesy of the midway station. The silver and blue surface of the baubles glittered as the twinkling lights reflected off their surface; the fine dusting of fake snow gave it that final touch. It stood higher than the gate, the star at the top placed delicately there by Rodney as they'd hovered near the tree in a Jumper. He liked the star the most out of all the decorations – it held his wonder for long moments as it changed from silver to light blue to navy depending on how the starry lights flickered against it.

It was only a few weeks until Christmas now and John had the desire to return to Earth to spend some time with his ex-wife, with the brother who he'd been reacquainted with not so many weeks ago. He wanted to be near his family, yet he didn't want to leave his friends. The air of Atlantis was pressing hard against his shoulders and he felt like he was suffocating. Christmas always made him feel depressed because it reminded him of everything he'd lost. He never sent any Christmas cards, never mind gifts. He didn't _get _any either, for that matter. He sighed as he looked at the tree again, at the spattering of gifts underneath its huge protecting branches.

A shard of milky light draped across the floor and John turned to the window to see that the moon had emerged from behind its covering cloud. He was glad that the temperatures had once again dipped on the planet; it would have been very strange to celebrate Christmas in the heat. Frost had gathered on the balconies again, clustering against the windows; normally the windows had a defroster but Carter had it turned off to add to the festive theme. He could see the falling frost glittering against the diaphanous glow of the moon and he stared at it, letting the sight mesmerise him. It really was amazing, he thought turning away as the moon slid behind an icy cloud.

His eyes fell on Teyla standing down in the gate room watching the tree as he had been. He hadn't even heard her arrival. He felt the familiar pang in his chest and the tightening in his gut at the sight of her. He didn't try to quash it for it had never done any good. She looked radiant in the glow. He didn't try to pretend that it didn't still hurt. She had a lugubrious look on her face as she stared at the symbol of happiness and he felt an ache in heart develop. He couldn't stand seeing her like that but it was something they'd become accustomed to recently.

Months had passed since her people had disappeared and there'd been no sign of them at all. It was both concerning and frustrating that any lead they got turned up cold. He couldn't imagine what it must feel like for her to be the last of her people, to carry the weight of generations of life on her heart. He kept his eyes on her as she moved from one end of the gate room to the other, not one glancing in his direction. He took a step back into the relative shade, away from the edge and watched her from the shadows. It was little morbid – if not a little creepy – of his to be watching her like this; he didn't really want to talk to her, he just wanted to watch her, look at her, make sure she was okay.

He watched as she approached the tree, sliding something out from the inside of the long cardigan she wore and placed it under the tree. Curious, he almost took and step forward but he stopped when he saw her finger the small angel decoration that he'd chosen and swipe at her eyes with her other hand. He felt his breath catch in his throat and he swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. She'd asked him gently what the purpose of the tree was, then what the little ornament symbolised; he'd said it was his guardian angel that he'd kept ever since he was a little boy. She'd smiled sadly; her eyes following his hand as he'd hooked the small ornament onto the branch then left without saying another word.

He didn't want to acknowledge the overwhelming sadness he'd felt at the absence of her presence beside him in front of the huge tree. Ever since he'd gone to Earth and muttered those indomitable words in his mind, he'd been stuck between a rock and a hard place; he wanted to be near her because he... well, just because and he felt like he should be there as her friend but another part of him, the side that... well... wouldn't let him be near her without snaring his heart and punching him in the stomach, jiggling his legs and altering his breathing.

Now she stood there, murmuring an almost silent song to herself, her quiet voice reaching his welcoming ears. His heart struck a rapid beat, his eyes stung with the threat of a few traitorous tears. He glanced away from her, to the door that swished open beside him and he wanted nothing more than to throttle the poor scientist who'd interrupted their moment. He nodded, kept his voice low and waited until the young woman had passed before he turned his eyes back to Teyla and the tree.

The space she'd occupied was empty. He took a sudden step forward and leaned over the railing in search of her figure but she was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and dropped his head to his chest, hunching his shoulders as he gripped the metal barrier. He closed his eyes and cursed himself. He should just have spoken to her, that way he wouldn't have this feeling of guilt weighing down on him.

He let out a quiet roar of frustration at himself.

The moon sliced through the sky again and the beam reflected off the shiny paper of the gift Teyla had placed under the tree. Curiosity one him over and he strode down the stair, looking left to right to make sure no one was hiding in the corners. As he approached, he felt a little guilty at his snooping ways – gifts were private things and he had no right to go and inspect hers. He didn't even know who it was for. He felt a pang in his chest at the thought of her putting a gift under the tree for Kanan. He paused for a moment then, the thought lingering in his mind. Was it better that he know, or should he just turn and walk away? He studied the tree again and frowned.

No. He'd rather know.

He leaned down onto his knees and fingered the gift and the tag, fumbling it about in his fingers. Quickly, he turned it over, peering at it through half closed eyes. Then he smiled.

_John Sheppard._

Satisfied, he stood and took a step back, glancing over the spectacle of the tree once more before turning and walking away. What he missed however, was Teyla, standing on the balcony, a small smile on her face.

Guardian angel, indeed.


End file.
